Based On A True Story

Although meant to be humorous, your recent post about how you needed to unfollow the “fucktards” and “losers” so that Tumblr would be fun again fell flat in my opinion.  That is, until the next day when I realized you had unfollowed me. Then I had quite the hearty laugh dear! I literally “LOLed Bay-Bee” as you would say. 

You really are as funny as you think you are. For different reasons of course. But whatever. Quibbles! 

I see you’re honoring International Women’s Day by posting pictures of skinny brown women in their underwear rather than skinny white women. Good for you. And they say you’re not progressive. 

Look, this has nothing to do with you. But I’m sure if you give it a little thought you can remedy that dear. 

The duck lips pose ceased to be ironic after the 400th picture dear. 

No. Posting every 25 minutes about poop, your period, or your sexual yearnings because you have nothing interesting to say does not reek of massive insecurity and desperation. But if it did, I’m sure you’d be proud of it! 

I thought that perhaps with it being the weekend and all, you might have taken a day off from posting photographs of skinny white women in their undergarments on Tumblr. But oh dear did I underestimate your work ethic darling. Good for you. Keep it up. And I mean that. Everyone loses their virginity eventually and you need to be ready. 

Yes yes the tattoos are very unique and highly individualistic. Hardly anyone has tattoos these days so you really stand out among the crowds. 

Yes yes dear. Atheism is not a belief system. Your steadfast lack of doubt and emotional need to make others aware of your thoughts on the matter has made that crystal clear.    

So if I understand you correctly, anyone who finds your Tumblr site crass and offensive is judged to be a judgmental asshole?

Irony is a fickle bitch my dear. 

Yes, I DID see your latest post containing the photograph of you extending your middle finger in a bathroom and cursing at your followers. You looked positively breathtaking. Reminded me of a young Grace Kelly actually.